Emotional regulation is HARD! Especially when you're a child (of any age) learning about, and adapting to, the world - and constant physical and emotional changes you're experiencing. Without the necessary tools or resources to know how to deal with them effectively, it's difficult to know where to begin.
Holding space for your children to explore and feel their emotions (both physically and emotionally) is a great place to start.
Understanding what emotions they are feeling and being able to name them can help them to identify where they are coming from and what underlying needs they have. For example, if they feel angry - it could be because they don't feel heard, their underlying need is to be listened to..
Use an emotions wheel to help spark open discussions about feelings. Try to avoid chastising them and empathise and relate where you can to build trust in having these types of conversations. Ask, what they think they should do or needs to happen rather than make assumptions or put words in their mouths.
To physically hold space, you could create an area in your house "a calm down room" if you have the space, or a "calm down corner" is just as effective if you don't.
Ideally in a part of the house that isn't frequented as often to ensure peace and minimise distractions.
Make sure there are comfy seats, a couch or cushions on the floor will do. You can use dimmer lights or electric candles (for child safety). Infuse the area with the scent of lavender to calm the atmosphere, you can use fresh lavender or dried or essential oils/wax melts! You can decorate the area with uplifting affirmations too. Put crystals around the room to add a calming, or protective energy.
Then, for each child (or adult!) create a literal emotional toolbox! Inside you can include age appropriate things to help your children calm down and transmute their emotions. Some suggestions of things you can put inside:
Straws (various sizes to encourage breathwork)
Bubbles
Notepad & pen
Colouring sheets
Journal prompts to explore feelings
Fidget toys
Bouncy ball
Emotions wheel
Encourage your children to utilise the space to calm down and explore their feelings. Offer to sit with them sometimes so that they don't feel like its punishment or isolation due to having emotions but also avoid making them reliant on you to be there by encouraging them to go by themselves sometimes.
And finally, Lead by example, when you feel your emotions are on the edge, take yourself to the calming space and choose an activity. When you feel calm, come back and communicate your emotions and needs to inspire and motivate your children to follow suit.
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